Strained

The past few months this year has not been smooth ride.. although time passes swiftly, when i search thru my mind of the events that have occured (and will occur), i am left feeling somewhat sad + numb. I am not sure how to say it out loud or if truly things are as bad as they seem but i know deep down, i have not been happy for a long time now. In April, the trip to Melbourne turned out to be a great outing and i had a tough time leaving Melbourne... partly because it reminded me so much of Europe and i realised i missed that life :( Living with Poo and his wonderful family was really nice and we (my sister and i) left with a heavy heart and heavier bags :D

Once back, reality hits :P Did i say i had a HUGE argument with my dad just before i left for Melbourne? I blurted it out. After almost 15 years of silence, i did it. Not the way i always pictured or scripted it out to be... in fact it came off quite unexpectedly and the moment i said it, i regretted it. But in retrorespect, it turned out to be a good thing..my outburst that is.. At least a lot of air was cleared after that.... and had i not said it, i don't know how long my mum or my sister would have waited to say it (i reckon never :P ) June came by, and i was dreading my birthday again this year :( And with that came my first ever 'arranged' blind date to consider. I knew then, i had to get out of here :P The 1st guy and the whole experience turned out to be a comedy of sorts and i think we are cool at the very least. Not friends maybe but at least we don't hate each other or block each other. 2nd guy was worst. Maybe someday when im in the mood to rant about him, i shall blog it. For now, its sufficient to say, the 2nd guy episode has turned this whole 'match-making' thing ugly and as a result, my own mum and grandmum have decided that i am Rude and a Dissapointment :( Whatever :P July... My sister gets engaged! Yay, except i'm not really looking forward to it. I think it's great she is having it and her fiancee is really nice etc. But i find that i'm finding the whole thing rather a chore than something i should be enjoying. At first it was more because i was being FORCED to PERFORM! I know! Me?? WTF. I don't even LIKE to perform (sing/dance) in crowd let alone do it on a STAGE in front of EVERYBODY! aargh... Anyhooo, thankfully, as of last Sunday, i managed to weasel my way out :) I haven't slept more than 6 hours in weeks now... and i have gotten really bad sneezing flu twice the past 2 weeks. Things at work aren't that rosy either. Just today, a super EMO and GAY manager got pissed because of an email i sent which highlighted how his staff was not using the proper process. WTF right? But the only consolation i got is that this guy is really EMO and apparently he takes his work a bit too personally. What a bad start to my morning :(